The Fellowship in Chicago
by chili-star
Summary: UPDATED! Go read the newest chapters! The Fellowship is living in a condo in Chicago! Legolas works in the Sears Tower, Frodo is a lifeguard and Pippin likes Britney Spears. Co-written by chili-Andy and chou-fleur. Read and Review!
1. Intro to stuff

Hello! I am finally posting the first chapter! Woo! Ok, so this is MY chapter written by ME. (Star) The next chapter will be written by Chili. Yup read on 

Disclaimer: Not mine.

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It all started when Chili and Star were walking down the street from the park one summer day, as they usually do. Star had just slipped her phone back into her pocket after informing her mother that she did not do drugs while she was there. (a/n My mom thinks we do drugs at the park. Just to be clear, we don't.)

"So," Star said, "what do ya wanna do now?"

Chili shrugged. "Whatever."

"I hate my computer." Star said randomly.

"Your computer is stupid." Chili agreed. "You'd think it work better after I got rid of its 179 viruses..."

"At least it lets me online." Star paused. "When it wants to." She added as an after thought.

"Let's go to your house." Chili said as they passed both of their houses. As they passed Star's brother's car, Chili started to rant about it.

"1997 Cutlass Supreme LT, Oldsmobile, dark green, license plates 504 5588 with a Green Bay Packers air freshener."

Star just rolled her eyes. She was used to Chili obsessing about everything to do with her brother. Especially his car.

When they got inside, Chili sat down at the kitchen table as Star got something to drink. A notebook was on the table, Chili picked it up and was about to open it when-

"Nooooo!" Star had dropped her bottle of water and grabbed the notebook out of Chili's hands. "Mine!"

"What is it?" Chili asked.

"Nothing."

".........."

"It's my notebook."

"No kidding." Chili said sarcastically. "What's in it?"

"My fanfics."

"You manually write them before you type them?"

"Yeah. So?"

"You know," Chili said, "we should write a fanfiction."

"Um, I'm pretty sure we both already do."

"Well yeah," Star waved her hand, "but we should co-write one."

Star gasped, her eyes getting all big. "Yeah!" She flipped open her notebook and clicked some lead out of her mechanical lead pencil. "Ok, what'll it be about?"

Chili shrugged.

"Ok....who's in it?"

Their eyes locked. "Leggy." They said together. Star wrote it down. "Ok, who else?"

"Frofro!"

"Ok.."

"And Pippin!"

"Ok..."

"And Merry."

"Yep."

"And I guess that means we have to include Sam."

"Fine."

"And Aragorn so we can make fun of him."

Star laughed evilly. (like mwahaha) "But we are NOT putting Fat Ass in."

Chili shook her head. "Fat Ass is totally out."

"Right," Star said. "So what is going to happen in our story?"

crickets chirp

"..............."

49 ¾ minutes later

"I kind of have to go home now." Chili said. "I told mom I would wash the floors and clean out my closet." She shuddered and stared out into space for a few seconds singing the "Cleaning Out My Closet" song by Eminem. "So I gotta go now, bye."

"But.....but.." Star protested, "we didn't write the first chapter yet!"

"You can write it, I'll write the next chapter." Chili said and left.

"Grrrr." Star threw her pencil at her cat in anger. Her cat hissed and ran away. (Which wasn't very fast, considering how much fat weighs my cat down.)

Remembering that throwing things at others does not solve problems, Star retrieved her pencil and sat down on the couch to think.

Once upon a time.....she started.....there was a ridiculously hott elf named Legolas. And four hobbits. And a King. This is their story.

Now, the six men of our story lived in a big condo on Michigan Avenue in a little town they liked to call Chicago. Legolas had his own room. Aragorn had his own room. All four hobbits shared a room. But they didn't mind, they had bunk beds.

Frodo and Sam were both lifeguards at Oak Park Beach. Sam knew the reason they got the job was only because the person who hired them was obviously a pervy hobbit fancier.

Merry and Pippin gave boat tours of the city on the Chicago River and Lake Michigan.

Aragorn was a door man at the fancy Drake Hotel. He was quite mad when his boss told him he couldn't wear his crown on the job. He had to wear those dorky little round caps that doormen have to wear..

But Legolas, the successful one, was an executive person who worked on the 57th floor of the Sears Tower. You know, one of those people in a suit with a briefcase who walks around talking into their headset. Yep, one of those.

So one day Frodo had just saved a tiny white poodle from the depths of Lake Michigan when something gold and glittering caught his eye.

Frodo instantly dropped the poodle back into the water and picked up the shiny object.

camera shot of a hand underwater picking up THE RING and a pile of sand and gray mud and rocks

"Oooo, pretty!" Frodo said, petting the ring as the poodle barked, coughed, sneezed and tried to hold on to its life in the water behind him.

Frodo blinked and went back to normal. He seized the dog by the collar and towed him back to shore.

When the dog ran off, Frodo looked back at his ring. He turned it over and over again, examining its smooth surface. He smiled and pocketed it.

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Hey, I like Chicago ok? I might mention names of streets and buildings and stuff so if you want to know what they are just ask. Chili, next chapter is yours!!!!

Oh yeah, REVIEW!!!!!!!!


	2. ZOO madness

Wow I liked that chapter. Well the part about her brother is only HALF true...I've liked him since he was in sixth grade but that's beside the point. He hates me with a burning passion so I try not to dwell on him. OH YEAH! The next chapter is by ME. (Chili) So fasten your seat belts because this is going to be one wild ride.

* * *

Disclaimer: This disclaimer was eaten by a lion. Services will be held on Thursday July 15, 2004 at Lincoln Park Zoo. Bring cheese for the mice and bananas for the monkeys. Please stay away from the snakes.

* * *

Frodo had just finished his shift and after getting dried off he walked to his 2003 Mustang SVT Cobra 2-door convertible. It was his favorite color- red. He just loved driving down Michigan Avenue going 130 mph. He went directly back to the condo to find Aragorn and the four hobbits playing Playstation 2 in front of the T.V.  
  
"How'd you get home Sam?"  
  
"You took so bloody long getting dressed that I called Merry and Pippin to come get me on their way home. That was hours ago. What took you so long?"  
  
"Oh, I umm rescued a dog and I had to make sure it was ok," he lied trying to make something up so he wouldn't have to share the gold ring with anyone.  
  
"You're a terrible liar Mr. Frodo," Aragon said.  
  
"Yeah well I'm not lying. Maybe I'm a terrible truth-teller."  
  
Frodo went to Legolas' room. He wanted to take a closer look at the ring and he knew Legolas wouldn't be home for another half hour. He had some difficulty getting onto the bed but he managed. He took the ring out of his pocket and put it around his finger.  
  
"What the-"  
  
Frodo was suddenly surrounded by a room full of chocolate.  
  
"Mmmmm."  
  
He took the ring off and all the chocolate disappeared.  
  
"How ruuuude!"  
  
"FRODO YOU HAD BETTER NOT BE IN MY ROOM!" Merry shouted.  
  
"I'M NOT! Wait...We share a room you oaf!"  
  
"Well I better go down for dinner. Legolas should be home any minute now."  
  
As Frodo walked down the hallway he heard the others talking about what to do this weekend. It seemed there was a unanimous decision to go to the zoo. Of course he wouldn't mind going there and Legolas loved the zoo so he knew that that's where they'd be going.  
  
"Frodo what do you think about going to the zoo tomorrow?" Pippin asked.  
  
"OH THE ZOO! I WANNA SEE THE CACTUS THINGIES!" Aragorn screamed.  
  
"Dude....no. A cactus is not an animal but next weekend we can go to Arizona," Merry said.  
  
"...promise?" Aragorn had his teary eyed expression on his face which never worked.  
  
Merry crossed his fingers.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"You're crossing your fingers aren't you?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Awwww come on!" Aragorn went on whining.  
  
"The zoo sounds cool, Legolas will be happy to see the gorillas. They're his favorite," Frodo said.  
  
The door opened and Legolas walked in. He had his business suit on and he put his briefcase on the chair by the door.  
  
"Ok you guys HAVE to learn how to lock the door. This is Chicago for goodness sake!"  
  
"Hey Lego," everyone said.  
  
"Didja bring dinner???" Pippin asked.  
  
"No we're eating in tonight."  
  
"But-but-but whose gonna cook?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Anyone but me," Legolas answered.  
  
Everyone turned their heads in Sam's direction.  
  
"NO! I always cook! It's not fair!!!"  
  
"Life isn't fair," Merry said. 

He and Pippin walked over to Sam and grabbed him by the elbows. They picked him up and carried him into the kitchen. Meanwhile Legolas went into his room and Frodo turned on the T.V. His favorite show was on- The Real World.  
  
"Who has been in my room???"  
  
"Uh oh..."  
  
Aragorn got up and started to dance in circles.  
  
"You're going to be Legolized, you're going to be Legolized."  
  
Frodo turned off the T.V. and walked over to Legolas.  
  
"It was me. I was vacuuming your room and I sat down for a break."  
  
"MY room never needs to be vacuumed. Remember that Sir."  
  
"I'm sorry Lego no need to get into a pizza puff!"  
  
And with that Frodo went back to watch his show. Aragorn had stolen the T.V. though and was now watching the Powerpuff Girls. Frodo went to his room and turned on the stereo.  
  
"Greaaat..."  
------------------------  
The next day everyone filed into Aragorn's Ford Windstar and got ready to have a fun filled day at the zoo. Suprisingly Frodo was driving instead of Legolas.

"Are you sure you don't want to drive?"

"Yeah, this car crimps my style."

"There's something...different about you Leggs," Pippn noticed.

"Oh, I put my hair into cornrolls this morning."

"What? No braids? I liked the braids," Merry commented.

"Well I have the braids every other day of the week and I want to have FUN today."

Frodo drove down the the Lincoln Park zoo where they split up into two groups and decided to meet for lunch at noon. (A/N: I'm listening to Linkin Park which reminds me of the zoo which is where this idea came from) Aragorn, Sam, and Frodo all went to see the barn animals first. Aragorn wanted to feed a goat so they bought some food and went to the petting zoo. He was feeding a little baby goat when a HUGE llama came up and attacked him.

"Ahhhhh HELP HELP!!!"

"Oh hold on Aragorn!" Frodo yelled.

Frodo hopped the fence and ran towards Aragorn. He thought it would be a piece of cake to rescue him but a bunch of ducks got in his way and started attcking him.

"MR. FRODO!" Sam screamed.

He too hopped the fence and shooed the ducks away. He picked Frodo up and placed him on the other side of the fence and ran back for Aragorn. He jumped onto the back of the llama and rode him away while Aragorn ran to Frodo's arms.

"Sam, you're my hero!" Aragorn said.

"Eh, it was nothing."

A zoo keeper came over to the three and pointed to a sign. It read: Men Beware-Do **NOT** feed the llamas in this pen.

"I wasn't-it came-oh forget it. Let's go."

* * *

Ok now everyone has to review or YOU will be eaten by a lion. And you will not have services either!  
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! 


	3. Britney?

Hello it is us! Me (Star) and Chili are bored so we are going to write this chapter together. (but not like that) Yup. Also, I would like to add the reason that Chili wrote about being attacked by a llama. See, she was attacked by a llama as a small child. It was a very traumatic experience. She can never look at a llama again the same way.  
  
Disclaimer: asdf is the first four letters you learn on a keyboard. In other words, we don't own lotr.  
  
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It was a warm and sunny day in the windy city, about eighty degrees, perfect for going outside or bike riding or doing nothing if you so pleased. It was a perfect day for doing anything but standing outside in a long sleeved uniform waiting to open the door for snobby rich people. Which was exactly what Aragorn was doing.  
  
He sat down miserably and dwelled in his own self pity. A passerby dropped him a quarter. That made Aragorn more depressed.  
  
Suddenly, a long black stretch limo pulled up in front of the hotel. Aragorn stood up quickly dusting off his uniform. The driver got out and opened the door for the person inside. Out stepped a blondish haired woman wearing practically nothing.  
  
Aragorn cleared his throat. "Um, the Playboy building is that one." He pointed to the building next door.  
  
She looked insulted, and flipped her hair. "Don't you know who I am?"  
  
"Um.... One of the bunnies..?"  
  
"NO! I'm pop sensation Britney Spears! Bow down and worship me!"  
  
Aragorn thought hard. "Don't you sing that song about the genie in a bottle?"  
  
"No!" Britney was angered at the thought of her rival, Christina.  
  
"Ohhh, you're the one on that Newlyweds show on MTV, right?"  
  
"No!!" Britney liked Jessica Simpson even less. And Aragorn was really starting to get on her nerves. "Look, just open the door for me so I can go change into my $900 Gucci mini skirt."  
  
"There's a Gucci store over there."Aragorn pointed. "I really like their handbags."  
  
Britney was really starting to wonder about him. "Open the door for me!" She commanded.  
  
"What if I don't wanna?"  
  
Britney took out her flip phone. "I'm calling the manager!"  
  
Aragorn spit at her.  
  
"Ewww!!!" She shrieked and dialed the number furiously. Soon the manager came out red faced and angry, yelling at Aragorn.  
  
"I'm sorry Miss Spears." The manager apologized, opening the door for her, shooting a dirty look at Aragorn. "It's so hard to find good help these days."  
  
The door shut. Then opened again. "By the way," the manager said, "you're fired."  
  
"But..but...."  
  
"You can turn in your uniform tomorrow." The door closed.  
  
"You can't fire me, I quit!" There was no reply. Then it hit Aragorn that he had no job. He burst into tears and ran all the way home.  
  
-------------  
  
"Do you have any twos?"  
  
"Go fish."  
  
"Do you have any kings?"  
  
"No, go fish."  
  
"You have any nines?"  
  
The hobbits were all sitting on Legolas's bed playing Go Fish. Legolas was still at work, and all the hobbits's shifts were over. Sam was just about to hand over his nine when he heard the door open and slam shut.  
  
Merry screamed and ran to get his gun. "Ahhhh! It's the landlord! We're two months behind on rent!"  
  
"No, it's just Aragorn." Sam said, peeking around the corner.  
  
"Oh...."  
  
"What are you doing home?" Frodo asked. "Shouldn't you still be at work?"  
  
"I got fired."  
  
"Here's something to cheer you up." Pippin said, pulling six tickets out of his pocket. "I got us tickets to the Britney Spears concert tonight!"  
  
Aragorn screamed and took his ticket out of Pippin's hand. He shredded it to tiny pieces, set the pieces on fire, then flushed the ashes down the toilet.  
  
"I take it you're not coming then..."  
  
----------------------  
  
At two in the morning when Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin and Legolas finally got home from the concert, they found the condo dark.  
  
Aragorn sat in front of the TV in his boxers, sipping a beer and watching late night Infomercials.  
  
"I think we should get one of those." He said drunkenly, pointing at the TV.  
  
"Aragorn, no one really needs a self-propelled rocking chair." Legolas said, turning the TV off.  
  
"I do." Aragorn got up, swaying from side to side.  
  
"I think you better go to bed, Mr. Aragorn.." Sam said.  
  
"Ok, but I don't seem to remember where my bedroom is..."  
  
"I'll help you Mr. Aragorn." Sam said, pulling him down the hallway.  
  
"Poor Aragorn." Frodo said, shaking his head. "First he gets fired, then he misses out on the concert."  
  
"It serves him right for insulting Britney Spears." Pippin said defensively.  
  
Merry raised his eyebrows at him.  
  
Pippin turned slightly pink, mumbled something about having to feed his fish, and quickly ran away.  
  
Fordo looked at the clock and gasped. "I better go to sleep, I have to work tomorrow!"  
  
"Me too!" Merry exclaimed and followed Frodo.  
  
Legolas was left alone to his own thoughts at the kitchen table. "Hmmm, a self-propelled rocking chair would be nice..."  
  
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Hehe. The Playboy building really is next to the Drake Hotel, I have a poster of them in my room. (ps- Never mind about us both writing this chapter, this one was written by Star.)  
  
First one to review gets a self-propelled rocking chair! 


	4. Bloody Monopoly

Disclaimer: I mailed the disclaimer with the complaint to the Parker Brothers.  
  
Thanks for reviewing!

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The next night everyone was sitting at the kitchen table. They were bored out of their minds.  
  
"What do you want to do?" Frodo asked Sam.  
  
"I don't know, what do you want to do?" Sam asked Pippin.  
  
"I don't know, what do you want to do?" Pippin asked Merry.  
  
"UGH! I'm getting so sick of you hobbits always being bored!" Legolas screamed.  
  
"Let's play Monopoly!" Aragorn shouted.  
  
The whole gang looked up at him and decided anything would be better than sitting around bored.  
  
"Ok," Merry said.  
  
"Lord of the Rings Monopoly???" they all asked.  
  
"Sure why not, we can all be ourselves!" Aragorn exclaimed.  
  
"Hmm Ok. Here's Legolas Leggie, here's Frodo Fro Fro, here's Aragorn, and- umm there isn't a Merry, Sam or Pippin. So either pick Gandalf or Galadriel."  
  
"This game is made for six Aragorn...you only read five members. Someone is missing." Merry said.  
  
"There's no Pippin? But-but I'm like the star of the whole thing!"  
  
"I want Galadriel!" Merry shouted.  
  
"Guess that leaves me with Gandalf," Pippin said.  
  
"Well then who do I get?" Sam asked.  
  
Aragorn quickly picked up a player and threw it at him. He wiped his hands on Frodo as soon as he could.  
  
"Ewww I do NOT want to be Gimli! He doesn't even do anything besides ogle Legolas!"  
  
"Such a gross mental image..." Legolas said as he covered his ears. The game soon got underway and everyone was doing poorly except Legolas, who as a successful man had almost every property.  
  
"Ok...I rolled a 10. Will you move me ten Merry?" Legolas asked.  
  
"One...two...three...four...five...six...seven...eight...nine...OH COME ON!"  
  
"Free parking again? Hmm how nice!"  
  
"Ok, my turn." Sam said.  
  
"Four. Mmmmhm. YES! I landed on Mount Doom!! BOO YA!!!!"  
  
"Just wait a minute boy; you don't have enough money for that." Legolas argued.  
  
"So I'll just mortgage off my other properties and use that money to buy Mount Doom."  
  
"That isn't allowed!" Pippin screamed.  
  
"Yes it is, and I am doing it."  
  
"Not fair, I quit." Merry threw down his money and ran into his bedroom.  
  
"It is perfectly fair." Sam said.  
  
"I'm going to look it up in the rules." Aragorn said.  
  
So Aragorn got out the rules and started reading.  
  
"This could take awhile..." Legolas said. He got up and opened the fridge. "Yum, taco dip."  
  
Everyone gathered around him to share the snack. Merry came out of his room and joined in.  
  
"I don't like the olives, you want them Merry?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Sure put them on the side."  
  
"I don't like the beans, they make me gassy. Do you want them Frodo?" Sam asked.  
  
"Uh no thanks."  
  
"There is absolutely NOTHING about it in here." Aragorn said.  
  
"That means it's legal. LEGAL I TELL YOU!" Sam argued.  
  
"No it means we're putting the game away right now." Merry said.  
  
"Here's what we'll do. We can write a letter to the Parker Brothers asking if it is a legal move. If so then we'll play that way. If not then we won't." Legolas said.  
  
"I'll write. I have the neatest handwriting." Aragorn said.  
  
"You can barely write your own name down!" Frodo fought. "I'll write!"  
  
"No we are going to email it." Sam pitched in on the argument.  
  
"What are we going to do...?" Merry asked Legolas as they patiently waited for the hitting, punching, and kicking to end. "We need-"  
  
"A diversion," Legolas answered.  
  
"Yes Legolas, a diversion."  
  
With that, Merry grabbed his life guard whistle.  
  
"Everybody CALM DOWN!" Merry screamed at the top of his lungs. "Legolas, a little help here!"  
  
"Elves do not yell..."  
  
Suddenly Aragorn stopped and walked to the television. He turned it on and jumped on the couch. He flipped through the channels and landed on MTV. A blonde haired, big boobed woman was singing..  
  
Oops I did it again...I played with your heart-  
  
Aragorn yelled as loud as he could. Silence fell. In the distance you could hear a pin drop.  
  
"What? It's Britney Queers." Aragorn told everyone. They were staring at him in awe. "Ok here's what we are going to do. We'll play bloody knuckles to decide how we play." Pippin suggested. 

"No I can't get my knuckles bloody-the sharks will eat me when I'm saving someone at the beach!" Sam said.

"Hey, you wanna solve this or not?"

"You want the truth?"

"That would be nice, yes."

"I couldn't care less either way!!"

gasp "I am SO shocked!"

"Sam-Pippin, are you two done with your quarrel or do we have to sit here listening to you argue?" Frodo asked.

"Here's the dealio. You will all guess a song that you think will be on the radio. If the song is on, you make the ultimate decision," Merry said.

Everyone turned to him with a very confused expression on their faces.

"I pick Everytime sung by Britney Spears! That song is haunting me.." Sam said as he jumped up and down. He was sure he would win. Aragorn darted an evil glare at him.

"Ok, Leggs?" Merry asked.

"Uh Slow Motion by Juvenille."

"I want My Immortal by Evanescance," Frodo called.

"Confessions by Usher." Aragorn said as they turned to him.

"Umm...geez uhhhh hmm." Pippin thought hard about his pick. "Hoobastank, The Reason."

"That's the one I was gonna pick! Darn ok...let's see-Ocean Avenue YELLOWCARD ALL THE WAY! YEH!" Merry shouted.

crickets chirping

Merry walked over to the stereo and turned it on.

_UH I like it like that she workin that back i dunno how ta act slow motion fo mae-_

"Looks like I am the winner," Legolas said.

"Stupid gloater.." Sam whispered under his breath.

"The new rule is there will be no mortgaging to buy properties when you don't have enough money in the first place."

* * *

This chapter was actually based on a fight between Star and my sister (Magical1). We were going to email the Paker Brothers but got distracted. I'm sure we'll do it one day or another. If you think this is/isn't fair then when you review please state your opinion. Thanks! 


	5. Mafia!

Hiya it is Star bringing you a brand spanking new chapter! Ok, sorry about that. Ummm I don't know if Chili will write another chapter for this until next week because we both have to go to band camp, what fun! Not.  
  
Thanks to all that reviewed!  
  
Disclaimer: Al Capone stole my disclaimer, put it in his cigar and smoked it.  
  
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The next day, everyone was back to their normal lives at work. That is, everyone except for Aragorn. He had taken to watching soaps everyday on ABC, only leaving the couch to eat. Did he shower, you ask? Of course not.  
  
One morning while Merry and Pippin were getting ready for work, Aragorn was in his usual state of boredom. (his soaps started at noon) So he decided to read the ingredients on the honey roasted peanuts jar.  
  
"Hydro- hygro-" he struggled.  
  
"Sound it out!" Merry called from the kitchen.  
  
"I'm trying!" Aragorn yelled furiously.  
  
Merry shook his head. He put down his coffee, went into the living room and took the bottle form Aragorn. "Hydrogenated."  
  
"I knew that." Aragorn snatched the bottle back from Merry.  
  
"Come on, Pip, we're going to be late! Remember, we have a big tour group from Louisiana today!"  
  
Pippin came down the hall, grumbling as he put on his tour guide hat. "I hate groups from the south, they all talk so weird."  
  
"No as weird as you do, Pip."  
  
"I do not talk weird!"  
  
"Yes you do, you're Scottish for heaven's sake!"  
  
Merry and Pippin continued to bicker as they left the condo. Aragorn sighed, feeling alone. Then the door flew open and Sam ran in red-faced and panting.  
  
"Mr. Frodo....forgot...the sunscreen." Sam grabbed the spf 45 and left.  
  
Aragorn felt alone again. So he went back to his honey roasted peanuts. "Artificial...."  
  
---------------  
  
"Thanks, Sam." Frodo slathered on his sunscreen and climbed back onto the lifeguard tower. He sat there, staring out into the lake, looking for drowning people. It would be a lot easier for people to drown if there had actually been people swimming.  
  
"Sam, I'm taking my break!" He climbed back down and leisurely walked down Lakeshore Drive. As he was walking on the bridge over the Chicago River, he noticed a tour boat going onto the Lake Michigan.  
  
"And to your left is Oak Park Beach, where two of my friends work-"  
  
"HI PIPPIN AND MERRY!!!" Frodo yelled jumping up and down. "HOW'S WORK GOIN- "  
  
A person had come up behind Frodo and clapped a hand over his mouth. Frodo kicked and struggled, but he was just a little hobbit after all. The person forced Frodo into a conveniently placed alley.  
  
"Ahhh! Help!! Rape!!!!"  
  
"Stop being so loud or I'll shoot you!" The person said with a strong Italian accent. He stepped into the shadows of the alley.  
  
Frodo stopped yelling. "What do you want from me?"  
  
"We want to play some cards." The guy said and pointed down the alley. There were two other guys sitting around a table, and smoking cigars.  
  
"Ummm, ok..." Frodo sat down.  
  
"Is Go Fish ok with you?" One of the guys asked.  
  
"Uhhh yeah, Go Fish is fine."  
  
The man who had nearly attacked Frodo dealt the cards. As Frodo picked them up, he noticed that they said "The Al Capone Mafia Club" on them.  
  
"Now we bet." The Mafia guys started throwing wads of cash onto the table.  
  
Frodo reached into his swimming trunks. "But I don't have any money."  
  
"How about that nice gold ring?"  
  
Frodo clasped the ring that hung on a chain around his neck. "Well, I don't know...it's sort of a family heirloom, you know, been in the family for years..."  
  
"You bet using that ring and nobody gets hurt!" They guy said, pulling out his gun.  
  
"Ok." Frodo said quickly. "Do you have any two's?"  
  
"No, go fish! Ha ha, I win!"  
  
"But the game's not over yet-" Frodo argued.  
  
"Yes it is, now hand over that ring!" The big Mafia guy said.  
  
"Nooo!" Frodo yelled.  
  
Big Mafia Guy aimed his gun at Frodo's head. Frodo screamed and put on the ring. The Mafia dudes freaked out.  
  
"Where'd he go? That little pip-squeak!"  
  
Invisible Frodo was running. Running away very fast. He looked around and found himself surrounded by chocolate. He took the ring off. The chocolate was gone.  
  
"Awww, man!" He put the ring back on. The chocolate was back. "Yay!" He tried to grab a piece of chocolate cake, but his hand went right through it. "Stupid fantasy chocolate!"  
  
Frodo took off the ring, breathing hard. He found himself at the Tribune Tower. He looked around, confused. The windows were all displaying Chicago Cubs merchandise. "Stupid Cub sponsors.."  
  
Frodo started walking quickly back to the beach, trying to think up an excuse for why he took an hour-long break. As he climbed back onto the lifeguard watchtower, he saw three big men in black suits smoking cigars and looking around. Frodo gasped and tried to hide under his beach towel.  
  
"What is it Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked, concerned.  
  
"It's the Mafia, Sam."  
  
Sam gasped.  
  
"They're searching for me, I bet at cards with my ring and they will never stop looking for me until they have taken the ring."  
  
"Oh no!"  
  
The Mafia men gave up and sulked back to their alley on Lakeshore drive.  
  
"It's ok Mr. Frodo, they're gone."  
  
------------------  
  
I know, that was a pretty crappy chapter. And actually, I don't think Lakeshore drive even has alleys because a) it only has buildings on one side of the street and b) it's in inner city so there are too many fancy buildings crammed together so there aren't really room for alleys and c) unless you're from Chicago, you have no clue what I'm talking about and don't really care so I'll just shut up now.  
  
Anyways... Leave a Review!!!!!!!!! And chili will write you a nice long chapter, right chili? Hint hint. 


	6. Vacation Troubles

Hey everyone! How's it all going? Well I'm (chili) writing the next chapter during the 2004 Olympics so that is where I got my inspiration from! Hope you all like it but if you don't too bad. You should all know that Paul and Morgan Hamm are in this. They are from the Men's U.S. Olympic Gymnastic Team and they are AWESOME!

All reviewers are totally tyte! GO REVIEWERS!!! rah rah rah ok...so im not a cheerleader nemore. If nething im like the opposite now-oh well READ.

Disclaimer: This disclaimer haswon the gold medal for the best disclaimer! Deal with it.

* * *

"Well since you're being tracked down by the Mafia for some odd reason we should go on a little vacation!" Sam said. 

"That's a great idea Sam, where should we go?" Merry walked over to Frodo and Sam.

"Let's go to Wisconsin!!!" Legolas said as he joined the others.

"What in the hell would we do there? Pet a cow??" Aragorn said. He was still sulking in front of the TV.

"No we can do many things. Go fishing, tubing, watch the Packers whoop the Bears ass once again since there is a Bear Packer game, or even just chill on a farm."

"Legolas do you personally know anyone that lives in Wisconsin?" Frodo asked.

"Of course I do! You'll have to meet them. They are the most talented people I've ever met."

So the fellowship decided to go to Wisconsin. They all went into their rooms and began packing for the trip. Legolas had finished in a matter of minutes because he was so organized. He walked over to the hobbits room and watched them to see what they packed.

Frodo packed an afro comb, bubble gum, his beloved ring, hobbit sized pants, some fairly clean shirts, and lastly his favorite book by Bilbo Baggins.

Sam packed all that was necessary. Food, clothing, herbs, swimming gear, and even a fold away rain jacket-just in case.

Merry was found struggling to zip his bag. It seemed he had shoved all of his belongings in it.

Pippin however only had one thing in his hands. Hobbit weed. It's all he needed.

"Pippin don't you want some...oh I don't know-CLOTHES?" Legolas asked.

"No I got everything I need right here."

"But what I'm trying to say is what are you going to wear?"

"Clothes. Duh."

"Ok how are you going to wear clothes if you don't bring any?"

"I've got it covered, Leggs."

Legolas sighed and walked over to Aragorn who was still sitting in front of the TV which happened to be off.

"If you're going to watch it make sure it's on."

"I had to turn it off."

"Why?"

"...._SHE_ came on."

"Why do you watch MTV if you don't want to see her?!"

"I wanted to see that new video by Ashlee Simpson! She is so awesome."

"Come on get packed. We're leaving early tomorrow morning."

"Whatever."

"YOU KNOW I HATE IT WHEN YOU SAY THAT! SSSTTTTOOOPPPP!"

"Whatever."

* * *

The hobbits got up early that morning and all four walked into the kitchen to find Aragorn dressed and walking around. 

"What the-" Frodo started.

Sam covered Frodo's mouth. "You can't say that. Young people read this you know!"

"Oh um right."

"Coffee anyone?" Aragorn asked.

Pippin jumped and ran straight towards the coffee.

"Pip you don't even like coffee." Merry said.

"I can't believe my eyes!"

"But you have to throw up every time you drink it and we're going on a road trip so chances are-"

Pippin started gulping the coffee down as Legolas came into the room. His jaw dropped in awe. Frodo walked over to Legolas and closed his mouth.

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

"Well let's hit the road shall we?"

Everyone got in the car and drove off to Wisconsin. They were almost there and over all it had been a good ride. Until-

-BLEHH-

"I told you Pippin. Didn't I tell you? I really did." Merry boasted.

They pulled over to the side of the road and the hobbits got out. Aragorn stayed in the car to keep Legolas from going crazy.

"COWS!" Merry screamed.

Frodo, Sam, and Merry ran after the grazing cows. Pippin followed after he was done throwing up.

"Come on everyone we've got a little more to go and we'll be there." Legolas screamed. He had calmed down enough after Aragorn cleaned the backseat. Everyone ran to the car and after about 10 more minutes of driving they pulled up to a house.

"Ok you guys stay here I want to make sure they're ready." Legolas said as he walked to the front door. He rang the doorbell and a slender man opened the door.

"Paul!!! How's it been?"

"Oh it's been good. How are you I haven't seen you in ages!"

"It's all good. Where's Morgan?"

"He's inside fixing up lunch. Come on in!"

Legolas waved his hand to motion everyone to bring their bags inside.

"Morgan, Paul, this is Pippin, Merry, Frodo, Sam, and Aragorn. Everyone this is Paul and Morgan Hamm." Legolas introduced everyone.

"It is a pleasure to meet you all." Paul said. He showed everyone to their rooms and allowed them to settle in before Morgan had lunch ready.

Frodo dug through his bag and put his ring on. He was soon engulfed in a room full of chocolate. He began eating till he couldn't eat anymore. Suddenly there was a knocking at the door. Frodo took his ring off and hid it.

"Frodo you have guests!" Morgan yelled.

Frodo walked to the door to find the Mafia waiting for him in the living room.

"AHHH."

"Mr. Frodo you owe us something," the leader said calmly.

"Man am I glad this is the _living_ room."

"Leave Mr. Frodo alone! He's done nothing wrong! LEAVE!" Sam said.

Since the others were out in the back having lunch there was no one but Frodo, Sam, Morgan, and the Mafia. Morgan walked out of the kitchen.

"Mushrooms anyone?" Morgan offered appetizers.

Pippin came running into the room, grabbed the plate, and ran back outside.

"That little man eats a lot." Morgan said.

"Mr. Frodo we want our ring." the leader said.

"Well I don't have it. I umm gave it to some stranger."

"If you are lying I will hunt you down."

"Hobbits NEVER lie!"

Sam shot Frodo a confused look. He knew very well hobbits lied, drank, and stole.

The Mafia left and Frodo and Sam went outside for lunch.

"Why aren't you eatting?" Aragorn asked Frodo.

"I'm just not hungry."

"He just had a-" Sam started.

Frodo looked at Sam and started shaking his head no.

"-very big breakfast..."

"Well, we best be on our way. We got a Packer game to go to!" Legolas stood.

Everyone got back in the car. Frodo ran quickly to get his ring.

* * *

"TOUCHDOWN PACKERS!" the announcer yelled. 

"Ok the Bears haven't made ONE point yet. They suck!" Aragorn said.

"Well we knew that." Pippin said.

"PACKERS WIN IT!"

Everyone cheered as Favre did his little dance in the endzone.

"That was an exciting game." Merry said.

"Packers always win...why can't the Bears win for once?" Sam inquired.

"Cause the Bears suck and the Packers shall rule all! MWAHAHAHA!" Legolas answered.

"You're a Bears fan Sam?" Frodo asked.

"Well we are from Chicago.."

"That's it don't talk to me! Good day!" Frodo turned away from Sam.

"But-"

"I said GOOD DAY!"

So everyone walked out all the time ignoring Sam who was muttering in the back.

"Stupid little....Friggin.....Packers suck....grrr."

"WE HEARD THAT!" everyone yelled.

* * *

Everyone review! Didn't you just all love the Hamms?! They're awesome. REVIEW! And if you review dissing the Packers the Hamm brothers will hunt you down! 


	7. Various Wisconsin places

Hey everybody, it's Star! Sorry for the long wait... if you consider it long... but me and Chili just started school again and got homework right away of course, but do not fret! I have study hall 2nd period and I never have anything to do so I will write! Since Chili ended this at Lambeau Field (Packer's home field!), that's where it will start. This will be a longer chapter, well longer than my other ones, so enjoy!

oooooooooo

"I told you Pip, Wisconsin's beer is stronger."

"Ughhh..."

After the game, Merry and Frodo had to help Pippin out of the stadium. He had wanted to try to see if Miller Beer tasted different in Wisconsin. It had taken him thirteen cans to figure out that Miller tasted the same as it did in Chicago.

"Here," Aragorn shoved a bratwurst in Pippin's mouth, "everyone here is eating them."

They all sat down on stairs of the Pro Shop, waiting for Legolas and Sam to finish shopping for souvenirs. (Legolas had convinced Sam to support the Packers as long as they were in Green Bay.)

Finally, they came out, Legolas wearing a Packers hoodie, and Sam wearing a Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila jersey.

"How is that pronounced?" Frodo pointed at Sam's back. Sam turned in circles attempting to read to read the words. Then he started to get dizzy so he sat down and shrugged.

People were still spilling out of the stadium and it was starting to get dark out.

"Um, Legolas?" Frodo asked. "Where are we going to stay tonight?"

"Uh... good question."

"How 'bout that place we passed on the way here, the Lighthouse Inn. I think the town it was in was called Two Rivers," Aragorn suggested.

"Two Rivers?!" Merry exclaimed. "But we can't star in a hick farm town! There are thieves and murderers on the loose!"

"And Mafia," Frodo added and shuddered.

"Relax guys, this is Wisconsin. You could leave your car door open in a parking lot and no one would notice. Let's just go."

They all piled into the car (Pippin had passed out so they laid him in the trunk) and headed for the inn. After about 45 minutes they stopped at a big, white hotel on the shores of Lake Michigan.

"Everybody out! We're here."

They filed out of the car and were immediately attacked by seagulls.

"Ahhh!" Legolas screamed and jumped in circles. "They're in my hair! Get em out! Get em out!!"

Merry started to get his shotgun but Sam took it away from him, explaining that weapons are not toys.

Suddenly Aragorn had a stroke of genius and opened the car doors so they all get back in again. They sat down in their seats, panting and covered in white droppings.

"That...was so...nasty," Aragorn said.

Everyone gave him weird looks. They all knew that Aragorn usually didn't care how dirty he was.

Legolas was hyperventilating. "My hair! It's _dirty_! What am I going to do?! I need water! I need shampoo!"

"Settle down," Merry slapped Legolas across the face with a random Packers coffee mug.

"Well _I'm _not going out there again," Frodo said, spitting out a few feathers. "We'll have to sleep in the car."

"But I need to shower!"

"Hmm..." Everyone looked around. Legolas was looking at something right in front of him. Lake Michigan.

Getting a crazy-desperate look in his eyes, he crawled into the trunk, shoved an unconscious Pippin off his suitcase, and located his bottle of Herbal Essence. Laughing hysterically he flew out of the car and ran to thewater.

The hobbits (minus Pippin) and Aragorn watched as Legolas dove head first into the water, which was about ten inches deep. Legolas stood up, scratched his head, the waded in deeper and began to shampoo his hair.

Just then Pippin sat straight up. "I'm hungry." He blinked. "And my head really hurts."

"I'm hungry, too," Merry said.

There's no use just sitting here in the car," Sam pointed out. "Why don't we just leave?"

"Good idea." Aragorn jumped into the driver's seat and started the engine. He drove over the grass, onto the sand, and rolled down the window. "Legolas! Come on, we're going!"

Legolas sunk down into the water so only his eyes were visible. "But the seagulls will get me!"

Frodo reached into his suitcase and pulled out one of those fancy umbrellas that automatically open and have a little light inside. He threw it to Legolas.

"Woohoo!" Legolas exclaimed as he caught the umbrella. He opened it and was distracted by the light only for a few seconds. Then he came to his senses and ran to the car holding the umbrella carefully over his head. When he got to the car he threw his bottle of Herbal Essence into the trunk, hitting the now conscious Pippin.

"Ow...Legolas we're hungry, can we go somewhere to eat?"

"Ok."

Aragorn drove off the beach and back onto the road. They started pointing out places where they wanted to eat.

"How about McDonalds?"

"Do I look like I'm made out of money?" Legolas snapped.

"Ok, how about...Shop Ko?"

"That is _clearly _a grocery store."

"Oh... wow look at that!"

They had stopped in front of a 50's style diner with a big light up arrow on the roof pointing to the words The Penguin Burger Home of the Big Penny, Drive-in Restaurant.

"The penguin burger?" Merry said skeptically.

"Are the burgers really made of penguins?" Pippin asked, horrified.

Tap tap tap.

Everyone jumped. There was a lady tapping on the window. Aragorn rolled it down.

"Are you going to order?" the lady asked. She was wearing an apron and was holding a notepad in her hand. She was also on roller-skates.

"Are the burgers really made of penguins?" Pippin asked.

"No, it's just the name."

"Why?"

The waitress shrugged. "Our specialty burger is called the Big Penny, do you want one of those?"

"Ok, we'll have six. To go."

"Why to go?" Frodo asked.

"Because we want to go home." Legolas said as he plugged his straightener into the cigarette lighter.

They talked causally about nothing in particular until the waitress roller-skated back to their car supporting a large tray of hamburgers. Legolas handed her the money and passed around the burgers and fries.

"Ok, now let's go home."

They all cheered as Aragorn hit the gas and they started speeding down the highway. After an hour, Sam declared that he needed to go to the bathroom.

"Can't you hold it for another..." Legolas glanced at the map, "...76 miles?"

"No!"

"All right, all right." He instructed Aragorn to get off at the next exit.

They stopped in front of a building with light up words saying Mars Cheese Castle. Sam was out of the car before anyone had even taken off their seat belts.

As they walked inside, the bell over the door sounded. It was very silent inside. Everywhere was large quantities of butter, cheese, bacon, and brats. In the middles of the room was a giant plastic cow.

Pippin was very intrigued by the cow and went to look at it.

"Don't touch it!" Merry warned when Pippin reached out his hand.

Pippin made a face at Merry. He reached out and pulled the cow's udder.

An earsplitting MOO came out from a speaker on the cow's mouth.

Pip screamed and ran back to the car. After a few minutes Legolas, Aragorn and the rest of the hobbits followed suit.

Legolas put the 4 lbs of Pine River Dairy butter that he had purchased into the cooler. "What, I like butter..."

"Yeah, whatever Legolas."

Two hours later they finally arrived in Chicago.

"Home sweet home!" Merry exclaimed as they walked into their condo. Legolas put his precious butter in the freezer.

Frodo walked down the hall to his room. He started to turn the knob- then he stopped. His hobbit senses were going haywire. He heard shallow breathing coming from behind the door. Someone was inside. Frodo gathered his courage and threw open the door.

oooooooooo

Oooo! A cliffhanger!!

All the Wisconsin places that our wonderful characters have visited are 100 real. Me and Chili went to most of them when she came with me! Everyone who is anyone has been to Mars Cheese Castle. It's a known fact. And Pine River Dairy is owned by my uncle! Best butter in the world! And the Penguin Burger, hehe. I haven't been there in a long time, but it is a real place in Manitowic. Go Packers!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leave a review and you get a free pound of butter compliments of my uncle!


	8. Crime and Punishment

Hey guys! It's been such a long looooong time. But that is because of football and homework and if I don't stay on top of things and fail, which I came close to doing, then I get punished. So since it's been awhile here's a recap.

Last time on The Fellowship in Chicago: Frodo heard someone in his room. Read on dear fellows.

(By the way, if you like Gollum and Eowyn I apologize ahead of time. Just...read and find out why.)

Disclaimer:-Grima takes the disclaimer and uses it as eyebrows-CH: I left a cliffhanger just for you.

Tom-Felton-Fan01: Feel very special. You're the first reader!

SirNotAppearingInThisFilm: Wow cool name! I tried to update at the earliest convience but it didn't pan out as I hoped it would. Wow. Did I just say "pan out?"

margarita: Stuck??? IN CA??? I wish I was there! It's freezing here!

Caitlin: AH! You saw the "Clunk Hall of Fame" I bet Star even told you the story behind it.  
...................................................................................

Frodo slowly walked toward the door to open it, well, because the hero of a story always goes into the haunted house or dark alley. He turned the knob and peered through the crack. Aragorn was sitting on the floor playing with some Barbies, but there was a dark figure behind him.

"Barbie...will you marry me?"

"No! Eww you have cooties!"

"Aragorn look out!" Frodo screamed.

The hooded figure had his arms raised and something held tightly.

"Huh?" Aragorn turned.

"Hello Grima." Aragorn smiled and waved.

"Oh...uh...is Eowyn here by chance?"

"Nope why do you ask?"

"We have a...card game planned."

Frodo rolled his eyes. He knew Grima and Eowyn liked eachother. He closed the door and walked into the kitchen.

"Sam...food...now..."

"Mr. Frodo, sir, you barely touched your breakfast."

"I wasn't hungry then. I'm hungry now."

"Just go off to your room and I'll fetch you when I'm done."

Frodo casually wandered to his door and remembered the disturbing images of Grima, Aragorn, and Eowyn playing Barbies and...cards. He re-though his plan and went into Legolas' room.

"Finally I can use my ring!"

He slipped the ring onto his finger and his feast appeared. A good 15 minutes had passed before he was full and realized there were chocolate stains all over Leggie's bedspread.

"Oh, fruit loop."

Frodo heard Sam knock on his door down the hall and say, "It's done, Mr. Frodo."

Frodo went to the kitchen. He was so full he could barely move.

"Here y'are, sir, warm just as ya like it."

"I'm full Sam, I'll eat lat-"

Just then the door shut. He knew Legolas was now home and on his way to his room.

"CHEERIOS!!!" a scream heard all over the world pierced the silence.

"Merry—Pippin—get in here NOW!"

Merry and Pippin who had been watching Baywatch the entire time, rose and walked somberly towards the screaming.

"Whoa-what happened here?" Merry looked at Pippin.

"I was with you the whole time moron!"

"Who did this?" Legolas asked.

No one answered.

.:crickets chirping:.

"Fellowship meeting! In my room!" he finally said.

Gandalf appeared out of nowhere and was about to sit when he saw the mess and stood back up.

"Leave." Legolas said. He was infuriated. So Gandalf walked out of the apartment.

Frodo, Sam, and Aragorn all walked to Legolas.

"Holy whack-" Sam started.

The room was very clean, but there was chocolate all over his bed and he didn't know it was chocolate or how it got there.

"Grima had to go to the bathroom but Aragorn locked the key in there so he used your bed instead." Frodo thought up a reasonable lie.

"How??! Grima's not here!"

Grima had crawled out the window after hearing Legolas come home. He believed anyone who looked THAT good should not be able to live.

"You four hobbits fess up." He turned to them.

"Hey what about Aragorn?!" Sam tried sharing the blame.

"Aragorn is King. He is potty-trained!" Legolas refuted.

Pippin stepped forwards, looked at his friends, started to cry, and ran.

"Pip!" Merry ran after him.

Frodo felt guilty now and took half a step when Sam said, "I did it."

Legolas looked at Sam with disgust.

"Clean it up-" Legolas scolded "-with your tongue."

Sam leaned over the bed and stuck out his tongue. He thought to himself..."it's just chocolate...chocolate. Not anything else. Choc-"

He abruptly stood up and smiled. "I'm magical!"

"You sure are Sam." Frodo nervously giggled.

Legolas sighed and walked to the living room and sat down.

.:What a day:. Legolas thought to himself.

At work, Legolas had been taking his lunch break when he heard a thud at his door. He opened the door to find someone face down on the ground.

"Are you ok sir?" he kindly asked.

"I wasn't smoking po- oh hey Legolas!" He said as he turned over and stood up.

"Hey...Gollum? May I ask why I am blessed with a visit from you?"

"Why you gotta be all up in ma biznazz, hoe?"

"You did NOT just call me a hoe, sir."

"'N what if I did? Whatcha gonna do about it, foo-?"

"Why are you talking like that?"

-slap- "I challenge you to a dual!" Gollum stood ready to fight.

"Gollum, I really don't think you want to fight me."

Gollum charged at him with a knife that he grabbed from under his baggy pants. Legolas took his bow and arrows out of his desk drawer and aimed.


	9. Jamba Juice and Starbucks

Hello, it is Star! Because I don't make you wait for chapters nearly as long as Chili does. So here is the newest installment in our ghetto fabulous fic.

Disclaimer: Hmmm, I dunno, its Chili who thinks up the good disclaimers. We are too bummed to think today. Our HS football team lost in the first round of the playoffs yesterday. We are so sad.

oooooooo

Summary: When last we left our story, Ghetto Gollum was about to attack poor Leggy. By the way, this is all in flashback, remember? Chili just lives to make life difficult for me by ending her chapter is strange ways. :waves: Hi hoe!!! (don't yell at me, that's her nickname:)

oooooooo

Gollum jumped in fright when Legolas took his bow out of his desk drawer. "Fo shizzle! What you doin with that in yo desk? You coulda shot someone in the not on purpose way, ma brotha!"

"You mean on accident?" Legolas suggested.

"Damn straight, nizzle."

Legolas coughed. "So, where were we? Oh yes..." He aimed his bow at Gollum.

Gollum screamed, his schizo side finally taking over his ghetto side. "Don't hurts us, don't hurts us! We swears to be good!"

"Bwahaha!" Legolas laughed mirthlessly.

Suddenly the door burst open and Elrond strode into the office. "What the frosted flake is going on here?"

Legolas quickly lowered his bow and tried to hide it behind a decorative potted shrub. "Oh uh, nothing, boss. We were just, uh-"

"We challenged him to a duel, yes we did precious," Gollum said, clinging to Elrond's shoe.

Elrond looked down at the gangly creature. "Where did this come from?"

"I really have no idea, sir," Legolas said truthfully.

"Well, can you please get rid of it?" Elrond ordered. "It's starting to majorly freak me out."

"Me too, sir." Legolas said. Gollum's extra large pants were slipping off his extra small body and he was attempting to pull them up. Out of pity, one of the office secretaries gave him a piece of string to tie them up with.

Legolas took out some elvish rope from his desk, attached it to Gollum's chain wallet and led him out of his office. "This won't happen again, sir..." He stepped onto the elevator and the door dinged shut.

Gollum sat quietly on the floor.

"You idiot! You could have gotten me fired!" Legolas exclaimed.

"My bad, nizzle."

"Stop calling me that!"

"Well I'm wit ya, homie."

Legolas started to wish that he hadn't left his bow upstairs. Finally, they reached ground floor. Legolas untied the rope attached to Gollum and he scampered off, yelling words Legolas didn't understand, most of them ending in "izzle".

Looking at his watch, he noticed that it was 3:30 and decided to go home early for the day. It had indeed been a strange day.

ooooooooooooo

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!"

"What?" Legolas sat up. He had fallen asleep on the couch, thinking about his encounter with Gollum.

"Leggy, it's 5:30-"

"We're hungry!"

Legolas rolled his eyes at the starving Merry and Pippin. "Fine, what do you want for dinner?"

"Jamba Juice!"

"Starbucks!"

Legolas rolled his eyes yet again. _Nice dinner, _he thought, _coffee and smoothies. Hmm, I could go for a latte right about now..._

He walked into his room where Sam was almost done cleaning his bedspread. Legolas felt just a little bit sorry for him.

"Sam we're going to get smoothies and coffee, want anything?"

"No thanks, Mr. Legolas," Sam said rather stiffly.

Legolas was in no mood to argue with him, so he took the hint and left to find Frodo, who was taking a bath. "Frodo, d'you want a coffee or smoothies?"

"No thanks!" Frodo called through the door. He was very stuffed with chocolate at the moment.

"Ok." Next, he opened the door to the hobbit's room where he knew Aragorn was playing Barbies. "Aragorn, do you want anything from Starbucks or Jamba Juice?"

"Yeah. I want one of those really hot brown drinks that have that stuff that make you really wired so you can't sleep at night."

"...you mean coffee?"

"Yes! That!"

"Ok."

"And I want a smoothie. With strawberry and cherry and pineapple and banana and orange and lime and grape and peach and-"

"Why don't you just come with us?" Legolas suggested.

"Ok," Aragorn threw down his Barbies, "Let's go!"

ooooooooooo

Merry, Pippin, Aragorn and Legolas walked down Michigan Avenue looking for a Starbucks. It wasn't very hard, Chicago has a Starbucks on practically every block.

When the two hobbits walked up to the register, they each ordered an extra large brownie, a blueberry muffin, and a Pepsi.

_So much for coffee..._ Legolas thought. "Are you getting anything, Aragorn?"

"Yeah, I want one of those brown drinks that are really hot and-"

"One coffee," Legolas told the cashier.

"Yes that! Coffee!"

Legolas ordered a low fat latte for himself and they all left the store sipping their drinks.

"Do you still want smoothies?" Legolas asked Merry and Aragorn. Merry shook his head put Aragorn, now completely wired jumped up and down.

"I do, I do!" He had already drained his coffee and threw it into a garbage can. (a/n Chicago's inner city is _very _clean. There are garbage cans everywhere.)

"Ok, ok." They headed for Jamba Juice. Aragorn was muttering under his breath about what kind of smoothie he wanted. Merry, Pip, and Legolas ignored him. If there was one thing they were proud to have learned from the fellowship it was how to tune Aragorn out.

"Come on, I know a short cut!" Aragorn grabbed Pippin's arm and started steering them all down a different street.

"_Bad idea."_ Said Legolas's elven senses. He knew for a fact that Starbucks and Jamba Juice were on the same street. But he followed Aragorn anyway.

Aragorn turned sharply and started leading them down an alley. They were almost out when three figures jumped in front of them.

"Oh no, not the Mafia," Merry groaned.

"Chicago East Side," One of them said, "...Baggins!"

"Nope, I don't know anyone with that name, sorry," Pippin said.

"Oh," One of the Mafia men looked disappointed. "Well carry on then," he said, stepping aside. One of the other guys stopped him.

"He's lying, you fool!"

"Oh."

"Chicago East Side...Baggins...but, that would lead you here!" Merry gasped.

"No kidding," One of the Mafia men rolled his eyes.

"But, but how did you find out that information?" Legolas asked.

The Mafia pointed to a small creature lurking in a corner. "It wasn't us!! They tortured the nizzles out of us, homies!"

Legolas growled and shook his fist at Gollum. "Huddle!" He yelled and the four of them huddled in a circle. "What are we going to do?" He exclaimed frantically.

Merry started to think and miraculously, an idea came to him! "The Michigan Avenue Bridge! Follow me!"

He sprinted out of the other end of the alley, the others following close behind him.

"No! They're getting away! After them!" The Mafia yelled and started to chase them down.

"Oh no!" Pippin pointed.

A tall sail boat was on the other side of the bridge. The bridge was going to open to let the boat sail to the other side!

"Run!" Merry yelled. They sprinted even faster and jumped to the other side of the bridge just as it started to open.

"Yay!" They all exclaimed and immediately sat down to catch their breath.

"Woohoo! We win!" Aragorn shouted.

Merry shook his head. He could see over the other side of the bridge where the Mafia was sulking and trying to formulate another plan. "Behind the bridge, out enemy is regrouping!"

"We better get going," Legolas said and they started for home.

oooooooooooo

They had just reached their floor of their building when they looked out the window and saw the Mafia outside. They quickly ran into their room and quadruple locked the door.

"What's going on?" Frodo entered the room in his bathrobe with a towel around his head.

"Frodo!" Legolas gasped, "They're coming."

ooooooooooooooo

Wow! Was that a long chapter or what!? Five pages, I am so proud. And seeee! I can do cliffies. Maybe it will motivate Chili to write a new chapter soon.

About the bridge thing, it's over a river so when really tall boats can't fit under it, it sort of... Splits in half and opens up... You know what I mean, right?

So did you like this chapter? Click the little purple button..... Review Review!!!!!


	10. Dance Dance Revolution

Hey Hey everyone I'm sorry it's been so long! But I (Chili) am here to bring you another chapter! YAY! Everyone be happy! I actually am chili, you know. Ok so we got like 2 feet of snow 2 weeks ago and there was NO Snow Day! Do you believe that? The roads were so terrible and the busses were late and sliding and it was bad. But we stuck it out and went.

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Disclaimer: The school stole my snow day AND my disclaimer…jerks!

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Frodo ran to his room and hid under a really big pillow. He wished the ring could make him invisible stead of filling the room with chocolate…but who was he kidding. Rings did not make people invisible. After a few seconds there was a knock on the door.

"Frodo get out here!" Aragorn banged on the door.

"You have company!"

"I'm not expecting anyone," he answered back lying.

"You should be expecting us…" a new voice appeared.

"Ahhh don't let them get me-wait, Gollum?" Frodo asked.

"Yes, it's us. We need to hit the hizzle wit ya G. Can we talk a few words ma man?"

"I suppose, why are you talking like that, Gollum?"

"Don't ask, be happy you don't have to see what he's wearing," Aragorn said disgusted.

"Hey dawg, don't dizzle the style. It's what we like wearing so don't mess, iiyt?"

Frodo cautiously opened the door and poked his head outside. He was expecting the Mafia, so he ran to his window to see if they were still outside. No sign of them. Maybe it was all a dream. He _was_ in his bathrobe and _was_ in his bed under a pillow. He shrugged and walked into the living room.

"Ok, what's up?" he asked Gollum.

"We're in a fix man, we need some money, we don't know what to do wit ourselves. Help us..please help us shizzle."

"I don't have any money."

"Yes….you does." Gollum looked at his pocket and got an evil look on his face.

"Aragorn, please leave us to talk."

Aragorn turned and left the room.

"How do you know about this?" Frodo asked taking the ring out of his pocket.

Gollum charged at him trying to steal the ring.

"They will give us ching-a-ling if we get the rizzle for those nizzles!!"

"TALK ENGLISH!!"

"Give us the ring!"

"Never!"

Frodo suddenly sat up.

"What the- Oh my gosh! The Mafia!"

He ran to the window and peered outside. No one was there.

_It's like waking up from a dream in a dream._ He thought.

"Hobbits- we're going to buy a play station, want to come?" Legolas bellowed. "I need to stop for some Herbal Essence on the way though."

Pippin, Merry, Sam, and Frodo all ran to the door. In a flash they were at Best Buy picking out a game. Legolas said they had to all agree or they couldn't get one. Eventually they all agreed on a new game called DDR.

"I want to play first!" Aragorn and Sam jumped up and down.

"Ok, you two can go first. Merry and Pippin can go next and Frodo and I third." Legolas made the orders.

After a few hours they had unlocked several songs and were becoming excellent at them. But then End of Century was unlocked. It was Legolas and Frodo's turn to play next and then had no idea what they were getting into.

"Ok, let's try the new one." Frodo was so excited and the game was fun.

They put on the new song and a flood of laughing started. Legolas was a pro at all the songs, but this was a challenge.

"Hahahaha you guys are terrible!" Pippin and Merry were rolling on the floor laughing.

Big letters popped across the screen 'Failed'.

"After a few rounds of this I think I am really hungry. Anyone want anything?" Sam got up to make some food.

"I think we could all go for some pickles," Legolas said smiling.

"And ice-cream," Pippin said.

"Dude, are you pregnant?" Merry looked at Pippin with his head cocked sideways.

Aragorn was sitting in his corner coloring in his I'm a Princess Too coloring book and started giggling uncontrollably. After about ten minutes of laughing he began to get the hick-ups. It took all four hobbits to move him to the kitchen and fill him with a glass of water.

"Ok…so that was pretty weird. About those pickles," Sam opened the fridge.

"WHAT?! We have no pickles! What are we going to do? The world has ended! We're doomed!!! NOoOoOoOoOo," Sam dropped to the floor and started sobbing.

"What is it today with hobbit breakdowns?" Legolas stood shaking his head. "It's amazing I have been able to keep my insanity for so long. I'm shocked I really am."

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Ok so maybe it was a short chapter but the balls in Star's field now..mwahahaha

REVIEW or I shall take away all snow days FOREVER!!!


	11. Skating and the BEAN!

Omg, my 2nd hour study hall is so boring! I never have any homework from 1st period so I have nothing to do. Halfway through I get so bored that I get leave and walk around the school for about ten minutes. Agh!

Disclaimer: My disclaimer got squashed by a giant bean. Better watch out, you could be next...

oooooooooooo

It was a rainy, grey Chicago morning. The Windy City was living up to its name and blowing things around. It was not uncommon to see tires and newspapers and homeless people and such go flying past their condo window.

Frodo and Sam decided not to go to work that day. It wasn't that it was too cold for swimming- it was still about 87 degrees- they just didn't want to go because the rain depressed them.

Merry and Pippin also didn't go to work. Since it was a rainy day, there wouldn't be much business in the guided boat tour industry.

Legolas was up at six, impeccably groomed and ready for work by seven. He never missed a day of work. The only disadvantage of working at the top of the Sears Tower on a windy day was how the building swayed in the wind.

Jobless Aragorn stayed home, of course.

"Aragorn, why don't you just get a job?" Merry asked as he started to assemble ingredients for an omelet. "Frodo, do you want me to make you an omelet?"

"No," Frodo was quite stuffed with chocolate already. In fact, he was starting to gain weight from all the chocolate he was eating.

"So, about that job..."

"Crapper!" Aragorn had though Merry would stop nagging him when he got sidetracked on making his omelet. "Um, I've been looking."

"You have not! All you do is sit around and watch soaps all day! Have you even showered in the last week?"

"Yes I have!" He shot back. "Once..."

He hadn't got around to shaving though. He hoped that if his beard grew out long enough, he could braid it and be cool like Jack Sparrow. "Fine, I will go shower now...savvy?"

"Yeah, whatever."

Aragorn stood up and stretched. Mind you, it took a while for him to get out of the groove he had practically carved in the couch. He cracked his neck and his back a few times; it had been a while since he last stood up. He knew that soon Merry would shoot some remark at him, so he tried to maintain whatever was left of his dignity by walking to the bathroom to take his shower. Though... it didn't help when he tripped over the DDR mats someone had left out. He dusted himself off and passed Pippin on the way to the bathroom.

"Merry, what's going on?" Pippin asked as Aragorn shut the door.

"Aragorn is taking a shower," Merry said approvingly as he flipped his omelet.

"Hm," Pippin said and glanced outside, just to make sure the world wasn't ending.

Just then, Sam came running into the kitchen. "Who's taking a shower?"

"Aragorn," Merry said, rolling his eyes, tired of the conversation.

" Scheiße! Uh, pardon my French."

"That was clearly German," Frodo corrected him.

"Oh yeah..."

"So everybody," Merry said, beginning to eat his omelet, "all of us have decided to take the day off for no specific reason. Are we going to do something today?"

"We could go swimming in Buckingham Fountain," Pippin suggested.

"Nah, it's raining and windy and I doubt that Frodo and Sam want to do anything to do with swimming," Merry said as Frodo and Sam nodded in agreement.

"We could go to a museum," Sam said.

"Nah, we've been to all of them a million times already!"

"I know!" Frodo exclaimed. "Let's go ice skating at Millennium Park!"

"Yeah!"

"But it's almost 90 degrees!" Sam pointed out. "How can the water stay frozen?"

Pippin shook his head. That Sam... always trying to see the logical things. "It doesn't matter, don't ask questions."

Sam shrugged and headed to the closet to collect everyone's skates and elbow pads, knee pads, helmets, and wrist guards. Actually, the safety equipment was only for himself. He could never be too careful.

oooooooo

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"Sam you're not going to wear that safety crap in public, are you?"

"So what if I am?" Sam tried to defend himself. "It's better to be safe than sorry."

"Not when being safe means looking like a freak."

"Hey!"

"Sorry, but the truth hurts."

Sam grumbled and strapped his helmet on tighter.

"But what about Aragorn?" Frodo asked.

"What about him?"

"He's still in the shower, he won't know where we went."

Merry fumbled through the drawers of the kitchen looking for a pen and paper. After four minutes and no success he resorted to the bottle of chocolate syrup from the refrigerator. He turned it upside down and wrote a message with it on the kitchen table.

WENT SKATING. B BACK L8R.

"Do you really think he'll understand that?" Sam asked skeptically.

"We can only hope," Merry said and the four hobbits left.

oooooooooooo

"Mr. Frodo, this isn't working!" Sam said with frustration, getting up from the ice. He had lost track of how many times he had fallen. He ran into the same person twice, smashed into the sideboard, and his butt was starting to get cold from the too familiar feeling of hitting the ice... despite the warm weather... and the rain.

The rain had turned to drizzle, but that had kept the usual masses of people from coming to the skating rink. There were only the hobbits and few other people.

"Sam, watch it!" Merry yelled was Sam almost collided with him.

"I'm trying!"

"It's not really that hard," Pippin said gliding past him. He started to gather speed, jumped, and landed a perfect triple axle.

Sam grumbled and managed to get himself to the exit. "I think I'll just go look at the giant bean."

"Giant bean?" Pippin exclaimed coming to a perfect T-stop. "Is it edible?"

"No." Sam took his skates off and walked up the sidewalk to stare in wonder at the giant bean.

It was... a giant bean. No joke. The sign says it's "art", but most people know better. It's a huge sculpture (kidney bean shaped) made entirely of mirrors, the point of which is to reflect the city skyline in them. Sam just liked its beany shape.

"Sam!" What're you doing?" Frodo asked coming up behind him.

"Nothin..."

"Nuh-uh. You look like you're pondering something deep and important."

"Well... I was thinking about making bean dip when we get home."

"Ah, I see."

"Can we go home now?"

"Sure." Frodo ran to the balcony type thing that overlooks the skating rink. "Merry, Pippin! We're going home!"

"Noooooo!"

They had to drag Pippin off the ice kicking and screaming. As they walked toward home, people were starting to stare at Pip, who was still screaming his lungs out.

"Will someone shut him up!" Frodo shouted.

"Pip, if you be quiet, I will let you eat every can of chocolate fudge frosting we have for dinner," Merry said, knowing perfectly well that he, himself, had eaten the last can two days ago.

Pippin stopped screaming. "Really?"

"N-er, yes."

"Ok." Pippin started skipping up the street merrily. Until he ran right into a person's back. The someone turned around. "It can't be...nooooooo!"

To Be Continued...

ooooooooo

Stupid place to end, I know. Stupid chapter, I know. Sorry. Chili will make it up to ya.

Oh, by the way, my pen name has changed. It is now chou-fleur. Kills the whole "Star" thing, but wha ya gonna do?

One more thing! Gah! I was gonna put a link to a picture ofthe bean sculpture here but it won't let me! Google it, it's called the "Cloud Gate," there's some good pics. Ha, it's still a bean...

REVIEW! please!


	12. Medieval Times

HAHA! I updated! YAY! Now let's see if anyone notices…

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The band just got back from Florida. Lucky sons of cheerios. Well Star (or is it cheek flour now? Whatever.) and I did not have the luxury of going. OH! I get to make a movie about a rock band and I may get to see the drums be played! My favorite instrument!

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Ok so the bean that was referenced to in the last chapter was the same exact bean that Jack got for his cow in the fairy tale Jack and the Beanstalk. One day you shall all thank me for this knowledge.

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Disclaimer: The current disclaimer has been pounded by a Bola.

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Pippin dropped to his knees. 

"You're Majesty."

"Pippin what are you doing?" Frodo looked up to see none other than Denethor.

"Oooook, so who is this?"

"I am Denethor, king of Medieval Times and Steward of a place in which you all know nothing about. Raise my old friend. I am glad I have run into you, Pippin. Would you and your friends like to see some familiar faces in my show?"

"That would be awesome!" Merry and Pippin began jumping up and down.

"Then follow me and keep up."

The four hobbits and Legolas followed Denethor into a large castle. They had never seen anything of the sort before and wandered the building in awe.

"OOH! HOBBITS! COME LOOK AT THIS!" Legolas yelled across the room. They had been looking at the various horses in the stalls behind the torture chambers, which was where Legolas was calling them to.

"This is the torture you see on television all the time. This is a Bola, or a spiked ball attached to a wooden handle by a short chain. Used from atop a horse or on foot, it is to be swung by a knight. When the ball reaches high speeds, it delivers a powerful blow to the opponent."

"Wow is he ok? Cause he just sounded extremely smart there for a second…" Sam whispered to Frodo.

"I _heard_ that." Legolas shot Sam a look.

"I think Aragorn would love this," Merry told Legolas. Legolas merely shrugged and moved on to the next object.

"This is an alabarda. It's a cross between a battle-axe and a spear. It is used by foot soldiers to keep the enemy at a distance. There is a point added to the back of the weapon so if the enemy was missed on the forward stroke, he could be stabbed with a backward thrust."

"Ok, please come with me now," Denethor urged.

Frodo had wandered off during Leggie's droning and went back to the horses. There was a large suit of armor next to the stall. Frodo put it on and attempted to walk around. Someone suddenly came up behind him and knocked on his helmet.

"Showtime."

"What?" Frodo asked. He turned around and before he knew it he was being given a leg up to the Andalusia he had been admiring.

The others had been taken to their seats and in no time there was a lot of food before them. A man came into the center of the arena and began to speak. It was Denethor.

"My good ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy thine feast and tournament."

The cheering began as the lights from the ceiling began to flash Medieval Times across the sand in the arena. Many knights walked in from four opposite sides of the rink. The black and white knight trotted to the center first and nodded his head before the King. His squire bowed as well. Next came the red and white, then blue and yellow, then red and yellow, and then green and black. This knight turned out to be much shorter than the others. They all nodded and bowed and retreated back to their corners.

The squires ran to the edge of the arena and brought back with them a lance.

The jousting began. The crowd ate and cheered for their favorite knights. As soon as one course was finished, the next was brought out systematically.

"This is modeled after the medieval jousting tournaments during the-" Legolas began.

"SHUT UP AND WATCH THE SHOW!" The three hobbits screamed at him.

_Wait- three? Weren't there four?_ Legolas thought. _Maybe he went to pee…_

As the tournament continued, a very tall man walked into the center of the arena with a purple hood over his face.

"You shall all rue the day you fought over this fool of a girl!" he said majestically.

"…fool of a-IT'S GANDALF!" Pippin was the only one to notice and poked his friends. They all began to scream wildly.

Gandalf looked up and the only four people in the crowd that were cheering and shhh-ed them.

The black and white knight was all alone in the rink now and on the balcony appeared a dark-haired woman. Sam knew right away it was Arwen. The knight was professing love to Arwen who was supposed to be the princess in the scenario.

"Hold it! Hold everything!"

The knights began looking at each other confusedly. A crazy man had entered the arena. They all galloped towards him. He dropped the sword he was carrying and fell to his knees.

"What is Aragorn doing!" the four stood and awaited his doom.

The black and white knight picked him up from his knees and brought him towards Denethor.

"So we meet again, Ranger."

"Ranger? Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis? I am Aragorn. Previously fired from…whatever my job was. You know it's been so long I can't even reme-"

"Silence!" Denethor bellowed. He never liked Aragorn. He never knew why but he had a feeling it had to do with a past life.

"Bow before the King! Thou art a mere leek to him!" The knight hit behind his knees with his lance.

"Hey! Let go of my friend!" The smallest knight came forward and started hitting the much larger knight.

"Frodo?" Aragorn had a puzzled look on his face which quickly changed to anger.

"YOU LEFT ME ALL ALONE IN THE SHOWER!"

The crowd was silent. No one knew what to say in this situation.

"I was never in the shower with you, we left the hou- ach someone help me get all of this armor off!" Frodo struggled.

All of the fans were at the edge of their seats. They were confused but there was so much drama.

"Why hath thou commst to us?" Denethor questioned Aragorn.

"Your knight is hittin on my old lady!"

Frodo slowly moved towards Aragorn and whispered in his ear, "This is all fake."

"Is there still a problem, young paige?" Denethor asked Frodo.

"No all's well Sire," he answered with a nod.

"Then let us continue."

"There has been a betrayal!" Denethor bellowed.

Gandalf came out again and pointed at the green and black knight. "It tis you whom has befouled the King."

A firework appeared and Gandalf was gone.

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The pictures I tried to type in didn't work but you can google it if you want. (Bola, Sword, Lance, and Alabarda) 

I know this was a bad chapter, but I guess now you all have stuff to ponder and Star has the next chapter to work on. But I remain, respectfully and lazily yours...

Chili-Andy


	13. Medieval Times Continued

Ah yes. Medieval times, wonderful place. I went there last year on a field trip. I didn't like my knight so I cheered for the hot one in Slytherin colors in the section next to mine. He won. :grins: I sure know how to pick em.

* * *

The crowd gasped in amazement as the fool of a wizard disappeared.

Aragorn looked down at Frodo. "You think this is all fake? Then how did Gandalf just disappear, huh? Answer me that, Mr. I-Am-So-Smart." He crossed his arms over his chest.

The green and black knight/hobbit walked over to where Gandalf has just disappeared from and felt around for the trapdoor. He got down on his knees and cracked the door open.

"Frodo Baggins, thou art a plague-sore boil! You shut this door right now or I will skewer your eyes out with my pointy hat trick!" A voice bellowed from beneath the door. "And don't tell Aragorn that I didn't disappear. It will ruin the show. The show must go on, Frodo. The show must go on..."

The show was indeed going on.

"Hey, man, get on your horse!" Frodo's squire was back, and was holding his horse ready.

"But-" Frodo started to say and then he was boosted onto his horse. The hobbit was starting to freak out. There were other horses coming at him, and they had really long pointy poles! "I don't know how to joust!" He said frantically to his squire.

"That's ok, the black and white knight is supposed to win anyway. Just make sure you look good as he kills you."

Frodo gulped.

_No, I must win!_ He thought, _that knight was dissing Aragorn, I must win for the good of the people_! He spurred his horse cowboy style at the black and white knight, but the knight was already involved in a joust with the red and yellow knight.

"Are you crazy!" He yelled at Frodo.

Frodo had that insane look in his eyes. "Yep! That's what they tell me at the hospital! Yaaaaaah!" He charged at the knight with his sword.

"Ahhh!" Both knights scattered to get out of Frodo's way and galloped through the opening from whence they came.

Frodo came to a skidding stop and turned his sword on the other knights. "Anyone else want a piece of me?" He challenged.

The knights looked as if they were about to piss themselves. They cowered in fear as Frodo approached.

"No, no, please!" The blue and yellow knight broke down sobbing. "Don't hurt us, we promise to do what you wants!"

_That sounds strangely familiar_... Frodo thought to himself.

"It's Gollum!" Pippin yelled from his seat, pointing out the obvious, once again.

"No, it's not, precious!" The 'knight' shouted and galloped out of the ring.

"Ummm, ok," Frodo said. "Now, where was I... Oh yes!" He turned to the knights to find them galloping after Gollum to the safety of the barns.

The crowd burst into cheers and wild applause.

"Yeeeeah! Way to go Frodo!"

Denethor had gotten to his feet. He held up a hand and the crowd quieted immediately. He did not look pleased. "Verily, it seems that you have won, Frodo Baggins, knight of Chi-Town, North side. I prithee you will accept my wench's hand in marriage."

Arwen looked appalled. "I am not a wench!"

"What the hell, Frodo?" Aragorn said from the side of the ring. "I thought you were supposed to be helping me, _I'm _supposed to win the princess at the end!"

The crowd was overwhelmed with anticipation.

Frodo looked around, then gave a sweeping bow to Aragorn, keeping in character the whole time. "By your leave, good sir, mayhap you are right. Therefore, I present the hand of yonder fair maiden to thee. I fare thee well." He now bowed to the King. Then he mounted his horse and rode out of the arena.

The crowd exploded into cheers and whistles, but none clapped louder than Legolas and the other hobbits. They were very impressed with Frodo's performance and his ability to use Elizabethan style words.

Arwen grimaced when the midget knight announced that she was to 'marry' Aragorn. It's not that he was _that_ bad looking, but it had kind of turned her off when he proclaimed that the midget had left him alone in the shower. Arwen didn't mean to be all Republican like... But she didn't usually go for men who shower with... other men. Short men.

She cleared her throat. "Uh, yes. Come hither to the Royal table and let us all eat ere the soup gets cold!"

Aragorn followed her lead and went up to the table as the serving people started to bring in the food for all the guests of the court.

Meanwhile, the three hobbits quickly polished off their meal and were looking longingly at Legolas's turkey drumstick.

"Go ahead, eat it, you know I'm a vegetarian" Legolas said.

The hobbits stole it from his plate and scarfed it down. But of course, they were still hungry.

"D'you think we could get an extra meal, Leggy?" Pippin asked.

"Yeah, I want one too!" Frodo exclaimed.

"Maybe, I could- Frodo?" Legolas exclaimed in shock.

Frodo was seated with the group as if he had been there the whole time. "What? I finished my performance, do you actually think I would miss out on dinner?"

"Spoken like a true hobbit," Sam said approvingly.

They waited until their dishes had been cleared away by the serving wenches. Then the King bid them farewell and the show was over.

"Come on," Legolas said, "we better go find Aragorn."

The crew exited the arena and went into the entrance hall, which was crowded with people. They were all in line to get autographs from the King or the princess, but no person had a bigger line than Aragorn. They quickly cut the line in front of a gang of five year olds.

"Aragorn, come on, you had enough fun for the day, let's go home," Merry said.

Aragorn eyed the long line of people in front of him. "I don't think that's such a good idea. I have to do something for all my adoring fans, you know."

So as good friends do, they decided to wait for Aragorn until he was done signing autographs. They hung around, looked at the vender's booths (Sam insisted on buying a princess hat), went back to the torture chambers, and then hung around some more. Finally, after two hours, Aragorn's line of fans was gone.

"Wow, that was tough work," Aragorn said, wiping his brow and watching Arwen out of the corner of his eye.

"It sure was," Legolas muttered, "now can we please go home?"

"Home?" Aragorn asked. "No way, I've got a hot date tonight."

Arwen tripped on her skirt as she was getting down from her throne. "A d-date? What do you mean?"

"I get your hand in marriage, remember?"

"But that was just-"

"Congratulations! Well done, everybody!" A man with blond graying hair entered the room.

"King Theoden!" Merry exclaimed and bowed.

"Do I know you?" Theoden asked, confused.

Merry stood up, also confused. "Er, no, I guess not."

"Right. Well, I'd just like to tell you all that you did an excellent job today! I should give you all an 8 pay raise-"

Everyone cheered.

"-but I don't have that kind of money."

They groaned.

"I've got some good and bad news for you today. First, the bad news." Theoden turned to the black and white knight. "I'm sorry, Steve, but you're fired."

Steve let out a cry of agony and then fled the room.

"And now for the good news." Theoden turned to Aragorn. "How would you like to be the new black and white knight?"

Aragorn gasped. "Me?"

Theoden nodded.

Aragorn's eyes grew wide. "Yes! Now I have a job!" He turned to Legolas and the hobbits. "Oh yeah! In your face! Take that! I am not a loser anymore!"

"Good, you will report here tomorrow morning at eight for combat training."

"Yes, sir!" Aragorn saluted as everyone started to leave. Then he approached Arwen. "So about tonight..."

Arwen racked her brains for something to say in the awkward situation. "Umm-"

"No," Aragorn held up his hand, "don't say anything. I'm sorry Arwen, but now that we're going to be working together, I don't see how this relationship can happen. I hate to do this to you, but," he sighed, "it's just how it has to be."

Arwen tried to put on a sincere face. "I understand."

"Goodbye, Arwen." With that, he turned to follow his friends out the door, leaving Arwen to explode with laughter as soon as the door shut behind him.

* * *

Wow, I sure rapped that up nicely, didn't I? No cliff hanger or anything. Hm. I guess that means Chili has to come up with a totally random next chapter, I'm sure she'll have no trouble...:-)

Thanks for reading guys, leave a review! And wish me and Chili luck today, we start final exams. Shhh, don't tell my mom I'm writing this, she thinks I'm studying for French! Review!


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